Untangling Emotional Knots
by Esin Pinarli, LCSW, CAP
Emotional knots keep you stuck in a state of recurring pain that are often subconscious—blind spots that we are not consciously privy to. They are made up of emotional wounds, unresolved trauma, emptiness, painful relationships and unfinished cycles. They are like invisible scars that have painful energy attached to them, which often dictate a lot of our automatic behaviors. Many of these emotional knots are tangled up in the subcortical part of the brain, resonating energy through the brain stem and into our bodies.
I like to imagine that there are two filing cabinets in our brain. One has positive memories stored within them, and access to the contents (folders) are typically easy as they have positive energy attached to them. The other cabinet, however, contains folders with negative memories and are not always that easy to recall and locate. The folders in the latter cabinet tend to be disorganized, as they often hold powerful negative charges. These are usually connected to memories and sensations that are painful and stored in our bodies as well.
In order to gain access to, understand, and untangle the files in the cabinet with the negative memories, one must go inward by bringing up an activating event. A skilled clinician will guide a client through an internal experience of processing, which is a focused, powerful form of mindfulness. This allows an individual to untangle files through making internal connections. The cabinet is now able to be pulled to the forefront, and you can gain access to see what is inside and why it is so jumbled. Often, our experiences that are causing us pain or discomfort in the present day can be traced back to one of these files.
Brainspotting, also known as natural flow EMDR, is a therapeutic trauma modality that allows you to access these disorganized files and help you untangle them so that the negative energy attached to it can be released. It allows you to realize how the existential baggage you have been carrying around has been causing you pain.
In action, one of my clients came in complaining about severe anxiety and stress because her partner had been struggling with addiction for years. He had finally left to go get treatment and she was able to breathe for a second and get herself some help. She was so focused on surviving and came to me where fear had her in a headlock. Her emotional state was directly impacted by his emotional state. If he was doing well and in a good mood, so was she. But if he was struggling and angry, she would experience sheer terror. This presented itself as self-abandonment and codependency and she stated that she was just trying to survive in the midst of chaos. Her voice was diminished, she could not speak up for herself and frequently felt frozen. Her nervous system was locked in a constant state of flight, fight, freeze and fawn (people- pleasing and self-sacrifice). He went off to treatment and she was left not knowing who she was, still trapped in this state of fear. She even had a panic attack on the way to the session as she unexpectedly passed by his former office. This was the first time she could actually have some breathing room to acknowledge how much space he took up and how little room there was to care for herself.
Through a series of guided Brainspotting sessions utilizing bilateral music, she was guided to go inward to find the file(s) that had the same fear based charges she was currently experiencing. These were located through a Brainspot, raising her awareness to make deep connections to how she had shutdown into a dorsal and frozen state with no voice several times before in her life. This opened up a pathway to a series of internal connections (identified events) that created these emotional knots that were actually all interconnected. As we did the work, she began to recall earlier times in her life when she also felt this extreme fear which in turn brought more events to the surface. So I, as her therapist would hold space for these memories and help her move the energy. It was like a dance of connection and attunement between client and therapist, much more than a mechanical process. By doing this deep work and mindfully observing her inner process, she was able to reopen, recognize and integrate these memories from disorganized and embedded trauma to process through to a deeper resolution and awareness. This strategy helped to identify the emotional knots she had, in order to untangle and untie the knot so to speak. This strategy released the negative charges stored in her body and mind, and slowly she began to become more empowered, find her voice and become less affected by these emotional knots. As a result, they started to release and disentangle. She realized that these knots could not have untied themselves.
Most people are unaware of these emotional knots that are stored energy and memories deeply impacting our quality of life until we are crippled with anxiety or debilitating stress. Pain demands to be felt. Brainspotting is known to be highly effective for many people experiencing emotional trauma, PTSD, anxiety as well as a myriad of symptoms that result from trauma and fear. It highlights and create awareness around how the emotional debts you have with yourself impact your day-to-day choices and functioning. It is extremely helpful to move the needle of healing when traditional talk therapy doesn’t seem to get to the root of the issue or the heart of the matter. Doing this work with a highly skilled clinician trained in this modality facilitates the client to resource safety, giving their nervous system a chance to calm down, accessing parasympathetic activity. This is turn allows the negative emotional charges to decrease and these emotional knots to untangle. This process generates deep healing, as further insights and internal and external connections allow for more and more knots to surface and be released. It is so important to start to bring curiosity and compassion to your emotional distress as it is precisely this curiosity that leads to want to ask for help in unraveling these sometimes long-held emotional knots.